History.
This is probably the only time I lost my cool to someone not in my family. I found this chat log while looking through the chat logs to see where I've been this year. It's been probably the worst year of my life, and it's also been a meaningful one. Read below.
Friend: then u talk urself la...my result like shit...just now some more kena speed trap...damm bad mood now....
Me: screw you la.. you knew what you were into when you started skipping class over the smallest of things
Friend: better than some1 made everybody not syok by showing crazy look and action..
Friend: think b4 u said...
Me: according to your logic then i should have just skipping the entire shanghai trip
Friend: nobody ask u to skip//
Friend: just stop doin stupid action...
Friend: and this is not only for the trip..
Friend: just can tell u everybody is talking bout u when u r not around...
Friend: b4 the trip
Friend: during the trip
Friend: even after the trip..
Me: you know what... tell me now
Me: i want to know what all of you have been ttalking about me
Friend: no need to ask...
Me: maybe if you guys STARTED to ASK me what freaking happened, instead of TALKING behind my backs, something useful would have happened, woudn't you think so?
Friend: u already know what every1 said when u start those stupid action...
Friend: same like i already know what my result since i start skip class..
Me: i should know, like what?
Friend: every1 also got asked u..
Friend: just u dun wanna tell..
Me: okay.. everyone asked me what's the problem with me, fine
Friend: not once ...already many time...
Me: but what's with the thing of saying things when i'm not around?
Me: godd.. if you've a fucking problem with me, you SAY IT TO ME
Me: even if it's not nice to hear, i can accept it
Friend: they ask u dun wanna tell...even worse u just ignore ppl and go away all the time...
Friend: doin stupid action...
Friend: who will keep asking the same question after that...
Friend: human is like that...after such thing...just non stop guessing...
Me: i'll be frank with you, NONE of you, and i mean NONE of you know what i'm going through
Friend: coz u never telll..
Friend: who will know..
Friend: then just guess lo...
Me: hehe.. it's because i cannot freaking tell you guys, ESPECIALLY you guys
Friend: every1 worry u...
Friend: but u dun care...
Friend: thats what made ppl not syok...
Friend: made ppl not willing ask anymore...
Friend: made ppl afraid of u...
Friend: i going out soon...
Friend: not going to argu with u in such mood...
Friend: take ur time and think of urself...
Friend: or else phone some1 that bring such problemss to u to ask them...
Me: you pick up the fucking phone
I realized now that, none of us were wrong. He was pointing out the fact that I wasn't being myself destroying the atmosphere within the group of friends. I didn't have a choice, I see no other way to dealing with the emotions going through me at the time, and if I were to be in the same situation all over again, it'd be dejavu, even if I tried to change things, it'll end up being the same. It wouldn't be fair to say that I didn't try to change, I did, but I always fall back being the same old gloomy person that I was. I'm weak, perhaps.
No, I didn't think that twould be talking behind me back, and, psssh.. like they didn't already know what was happening. But surely, I'd like to know what they were talking about me. I still do.
